Silent Volumes

A Special Dedication

Lost in the ripples of the wind,
i see that face close and shining,
into the depths you show up a stare,
spell binding and so calming deepness.

Having a sigh i write these words,
for those stars,
a fire rising,
a shout crying,
a night engulfing,
with those rivers flowing,
a vacuum pulling.

Eyes that play strings of the heart,
tiny lines they hold them in,
a pain screeching,
and joy overflowing,

A sight i wouldn't want to lose,
read a little more of those silent volumes.

How silent they may be,
through them I'll always see,
a heart glowing, like a shining star,
from that cage remove another bar.

A smile and a tear left behind,
a face covering the heart kind,
a word could not define,
when the silent volumes shine.

Driving thru the darkness i see a flicker small,
lost in the thick nights lies a baby doll.
Laughing all the way in this crazy world,
but when in her dreams she looks like a curl!

Those volumes might have watered,
and the paths shattered.
The words might go to very few,
I got a true blessing called YOU.

Mesmerized by the sights these volumes,
they have caputred in the depths,
the straight paths they sometimes offer,
have on a new high flown me up.

Pulled more into the singularity,
and entagling words to a poem,
a joy that they offer in the closeness;
a halo lits up those volumes, places a kiss!

A world resides in those volumes,
not just a planet or a star,
life with the grandness of a galaxy,
sated not i am, by what it shows..

Lost in the darkness of the shadows,
cleaned up the rest, closed the glare,
carrying the waters in those shallow cups,
rising to give a blinding stare,
diving in to rescue the words lost.

A gaze i always cherish,
the freshness of the view relish,
the sweeter glow fails to cover,
the beams of the depth you lower.

Never goes a day by without,
the silent volumes thought,
a dizzy image then pops,
a sight, that seems now lost.

Covered with a veil,
one's heart they can seal,
filled with an unknown charm,
they clear the mind's swarm.

As they glide down,
the grass goes brown,
with that gentle smile,
that curve, it stops the heart for a while.

The Stage called Life!

One great English sage named Shakespeare once hath quoted in his play, As You Like It through the character Jaques:

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.

Life is always filled with people. People you love, you hate, you like, you avoid, but one common feature they all have is, they enter and they exit! This one thing is what you cannot change in life. You can never hold back anyone forever, though they say love is forever, but life isn’t! People are meant to leave you, but to leave you with something! In this journey called life, we travelers find fellow mates who have to get down at some stop on the way.

This stage, this play, each one has their own special character written down for them; they play their parts in the specified time on the stage and get behind the wings when done. If each character would be present on the stage all the time, wouldn’t the stage be cluttered? Such is the flow of life! Each one has a role, an entry time, and an exit time! They show up when the need pops up, when a character is failing, the other chips in to set the play in order. When the play gets a little lousy, the comedian comes up. So does happen in our lives!

When we are drowning, someone is introduced to us or somebody pushes up from the general crowd of people in life and lifts us up. When the part is done, they drift away, lost in the ocean of anonymity. Well, it does not just happen with you, you also were someone special for somebody, and you too drifted away. Expecting somebody to stay all the way is hope, staying with someone all the way is love, but living this truth that they might leave some fine day is called life.

We all have definitions of life. I define my life as something that’s meant for all. I love to love people, care and even hurt them, but never forget them. In this ever paced life structure that we live, it is almost impossible to keep in touch with all those people in one’s life. But being true to myself, I miss those people who made even a slight change in my life and may God bless them in abundance.

For who I am, is a fraction of each person that I have met.

All these people make the person who I’m. This stage called life, Meine Walt, and those who live in it are the ones who have blessed me to grow to the person I’m. We all are parts of those who make an impact on us. They inspire us, break us, make us and leave us! The time each one stays in the limelight is the time they need to affect us in becoming what we are meant to be. The smiles, the tears and the times of companionship all boil down to one small effect: Us.

The bond that the fellow actors create with us remains forever within us; some remain strong over the winds of time, while some wither away in the sun of life. The sad part is when those we made close to us, in no time fall even below the slab of fair-weather friends. The heart becomes so hard, that those who once tingled the flesh with just a view now fail to touch the heart with the sweetest of words. Life is pretty amazing, and scary.

The bonds that are made never vanish, they simply become weak. The thread remains, but the essence is gone. A few special appearances bring in the impact factor in our lives. Roles change, costumes change, dialogues change, but the connection with the people of the play never does. The intensity varies, the feeling never changes.

We live, we perform at different venues, different acts as different characters from time to time, thus we call it as, a Stage of life! Sometimes we play grand sometimes low. We just voice over, or become the protagonists. Just like a play is never the same all over, so isn’t life. The highs and lows, the light and the darkness, it brings charm to it. But it is upto us how grand we play! Do we wish to set a benchmark or just flow with what goes on?

In this turmoil of the stage play, we bump up with an artist, who slowly turns out to be the non-exiting part of the play. This artist is called your soul mate. I never really got the last part of the quote, but one thing that I believe is, we puppets shall never be dropped down by the Master Puppeteer. For the best is what we receive. 

Off with the ink, and exiting with my words. Sayonara!! 

Death: Where Lie Thy Fangs?

Death is something that has always made my mind wonder. It is something you can’t experience and tell somebody about it. No one who has been through death has been back to tell how it is. You can experience every damn thing in this world, but not death. That is why it has always magnetized me. Death, I learned in my school is the biggest leveler. It brings the king and the slave on the same level. Nobody has been able to escape the phenomenon but when I turn to the Bible, a ray of hope shines. The Savior, The Good Shepherd, He fought for us, sacrificed himself, paid the price for our sins and won over the power of death. 

Death was been a very prominent part of my upbringing. Since I remember things, the very early memories have stains of death on them. The closest person to me, my grandpa, Pappa as we all used to call him, my friend, my guide, my comfort; he passed away when I was just 12. The first taste of death.  The first time is always the hardest.  I still feel overwhelmed about it. Just before the sadness could end, another blow came with my uncle off to the journey to heaven. He went abode at young age, I overheard a few people talking that he was food poisoned as he just took the position of the Arch Bishop of the Marathwada region.  That had enraged a lot of people as he was about to put up a stop to their under-the-table income. He was one close person in my family whom I could open up to. Each of these events came up with a lot of maturity. 

Death not just affects one person; it kills along a lot of dreams and visions that were associated with the person. So many things, so many people, so many aspirations are let down because one soul was associated with it. These two instances are polar opposites, first, died a natural death (that’s what I had been told as a kid) and the other suffered a pre-mature blow. One went with the flow, and the other was obstructed by a few self concerned souls. This fellas, is Life! :D 

Death I feel is quite a few times necessary for the person. You might think suicide? No, I strongly oppose it. A suffering person, from an ailment, a disability, some disease, gets relieved from the pain he/she has been enduring since long. The depth of pain is only known to the one who is suffering from it. How small it may be! We as human try to mask our pain, but what happens inside the body, the severity, only the sufferer knows. Death at such times is an end to the suffering. 

Another close person, my cousin sister, this is her story. As a child she had been diagnosed with chronic heart disease. This meant that she had frequent stays at the hospital plus periodic illness. She was one major part of my teenage life. The person who was there when nobody else was, Preity; a pretty young girl. Once she fell ill for like three months, and later she was relieved of the pain at a tender age of 18years. I had become a little hard by then. Then a couple years back, my dear grandma, I wasn’t quite close to her, but she was a responsibility. One put on me by my grandpa, the last words of him which I remember were, “Take care of Shanti (my grandma).” After having a fractured leg, and a month long of bedridden state, my ever enthusiastic grandma fell victim to a number of diseases. Trying hard to keep her alive, the whole family helped out each other in her last 20 days at the ICCU. That was one event which got the entire family in one place and making them act as One Family. After all that pain and suffering, the always peeking around and never silent ShantaBai gave in. My mum and uncle watched the pulse go numb on the screen at 5am in the morning. Everybody gave their best, but she was set free from the pain she’d been going through.

Life is funny, and death is the punch line. 

I write about this today as I got back from a house which was a victim of this hard dart a couple days back. Also, my uncle, a well known name in the Marathi literature world, Prof. Waman Nimbalkar passed away last year, and tomorrow he has his birthday. Ironic. This man died the death of a legend. One I wish to have, if I ever do! An intellectual, a poet by heart and a writer by profession, he never left people without draining them in his thoughts which always were hard hitting. Thoughts which made people wonder, and think. He was a fighter all his life, and survived a near-death vein transplant operation with the best results. Continuing the work for the down trodden for over 7 years after he had been advised by the doctors to stop his ventures directing to the major operation he had been through, one fine day, maybe the happiest for him, the Panther of his time was made a target by the bullet of death. This knowledge hungry Panther, as he was well known, spread the wisdom of Dr. Ambedkar and took the path of Buddha to eradicate the caste system that lived in the mind of the crowd. This legend left his body while he was discussing his regular talks with a few people, while his heart could not contain the happiness of winning the state level award for the best poet and gave a big stroke to each member of the family. 

A man who lived to his word, brought every politician of the state to his newly build home. He took his last journey covered in the Tricolor with over a 1km long procession behind him to the Ghat. A man who made his life an example, who moved his readers and listeners to tears with his blood stained and thorn studded poetry. A man worthy of honor, died a death encompassing his life. 

Such is the play of death. Witnessing a number of deaths, the phenomenon has far less effect on me, but it never fails to move me to work towards my own life. The days are numbered, and the life is short, I wish to attain the horizon where my dreams flow. To build up a vessel where people can come and satisfy their thirst, find peace. Life is meant to be shared, death is to be owned! 

The wonderful God, won over death so that we can have eternal life in His presence. A destination, where we all will be together. As the Word says that, When He comes, the ones who slept in Christ will awake. This promise is what had numbed the feeling for death for me. For I believe that one day shall come when I shall be with the ones I have lost. For He rose from the dead, and so will I! This belief is what keeps the heart glowing with hope, yet sometimes I hum this song, ‘If heaven wasn’t so far away, I’d pack up my bags and go for a day…..’

The Mind Freak

The mind is a being in itself. One of the most complex organs of the human body is the brain. In fact, it is one of the most complex cellular structures in the human body. The one and a half kilogram of muscle mass controls the rest of your bulky body and keeps it going through all the life. Stuffed with millions of nerve cells, this so called brain is a weapon of destruction and also an answer to peace. All that we see in this man made world is a result of what he thought and put into action. From Nuclear weapons to Save Earth initiatives, everything has been born out of the human mind, each one blessed with the same amount. Now we can’t forget that there is a Supernatural Being who made it. I’m a believer. Period.

It plays just like this!

The Brain, the mind, are they the same, or just some hypothetical creation or a thought process? Every word written in this article is the result of hundreds of nerve cells sparking in the very right fashion and passing on signals to my fingers to do something.  And this mind, it has got all the things science can’t define. Not even the mind itself. But we live in a world higher than just defined laws and theories.

The mind plays terrible games with us. It has some crazy ideas of its own and we work as puppets. The mind is a being in itself. We are helpless towards it. It makes us do things we never wished, never wanted. We tend to become what we are not. The craziness, the exceptional capabilities that sometimes occur are beyond the limits we even thought of. The world goes upside down and we behave like strangers in our own lives knowing not what to do, when, what and where!

You get locked up in a world so unknown that it’s hard to know what goes on around and about you. You become all crazy and nonsense stuff is spewed out of your mouth. The aggressiveness, the maniac acts, the cravings, the not-my-normal-stuff are a result of an excited or disturbed mind. We do things we aren’t proud of afterwards, and in some cases, knowing the regret will haunt later on, we still do things. Because the state, the time, the mind; it escalates you to the level of doing things. Sometimes this craziness is beneficial, but when it takes the longer route it messes up the life. The mind becomes your foe and there is a chess strategy set up inside of you.

Many of us are control freaks who like to keep all ends tied up. I’m a similar kind of person, trying to plan everything. But then you learn that plans hardly work; in the back of my mind, while planning, I’m sure that most of it won’t go as I’ve planned or been thinking. But then that is what adds the surprise element in your life. But for a little assurance, you can’t stop making plans, and sometimes you need to lose that, else a duality springs. Each of us has a dual nature, the Yin-Yan, the White-Black, the Light-Dark nature, whatever you wish to call it. We are in constant fights with the other self within us. God has given one power, the power of Choice. We become what we choose in life.

When we are in situations from the slightest dual thoughts (comparison) to a waging war of the right or wrong in the decisions of your life, the mind sometimes slips in a small thought which might create havoc. The only way out of it is to keep your mind on leash and not let the ‘mind over matter’ effect flourish. The mind is an entity which can make you or break you. For it is a weakness, and imperfection, live it, and grow out of it, the mind will always be there, you need to control that.

Out of hallucinations, haunting, and a freaked out mind, these words flash. Courtesy: The Mind Freak.

GG: Life Tracked!

2006: An Electronics and Telecommunication Engineer admitted in a reputed college of the city. This guy lived in a single room apartment with a brain craving for knowledge and hands waiting to fiddle with all the components seen in the textbooks. Great visions of changing the state of students around him and the people that he notices in a state much worse than he is, live in his eyes which still remain unfulfilled. 

The journey begins with a milestone in the form of a workshop conducted in SRKNEC in December 2008. This was a hands-on workshop on robotics which cajoled the ambitious mind of this individual. The constant dreams of delivering a kindling entity in this world had found a reality. Work started with LARE after the workshop, in which majority of the attendees were pulled by this lone guy. Enjoying every bit of the work from organizing to teaching was one great phase.

In the winter of 2009 when each student was buzzing and preparing for the interview by the first company of the season, Tata Consultancy Services, this individual was ready with his small box of electronics which he had been working on since 2 years. Selected by the HR with a salary of 3.25 lacs the only reason being the depth of knowledge he possessed about wireless networks and his small kit. A happy individual comes out of the door, satisfied with the secure future he just unlocked.

The well known late work call by TCS drove this man to the busy streets of the City of Dreams; Mumbai. He worked with the firm from May to September 2010. Letting his mind go miles ahead and the power of the resources available made his dreams much bigger. With the sudden call letter, he rushed to the land of Gandhi on 23^rd September. A three-month training session had begun at TCS, Gandhinagar. Exploring the new world, and embracing the new work culture, a hardware guy working on software is still a nightmare which he initially went with a positive mind. Moving back to the City of Dreams, Mumbai on 3^rd November 2010, and the big play began.

Roaming in the seven offices of TCS looking for a permanent place to work took some time. After finally being placed in Powai Branch, training on Business Objects for 5 days started which at no level in future was useful. Then a SAP BI (Business Intelligence) & BW (Business Warehouse) training for a month began for TRENT project which meant a lot of pdf reading, with no system provided. Even a look at the software was which was being read never happened for a month.

He then voluntarily gave up the project which did simply no good except for adding frustration in life. After giving in company interviews for 5 more companies, he finally got placed in a project by Warner Brothers Inc. This was a Report Migration project which was replacing the old format with new files. All this was called as Excel Comparison and Data Matching in a true technical lingo. This phase existed from 5^th February 2011 to 8^th June 2011.

After a lot of struggling with personal and professional issues and an engineer living without a laptop, he tried to continue his tryst with the life he choose, he paved his way through the densities of life. Finally settled in Sony Pictures Entertainment since June 2011, he tries to enjoy the minor enhancements and data testing at his workplace. 

One wonderful senior and a great human being, Mr. Gaurav Gupta better known as GG still motivates us inspires us to keep doing the good work. With all this around him, and an  unsatisfied career, he quotes, ‘Still happy on every last day of the month (Salary day) :-)’

 Hats off to him! 

Merry Christmas!

For He (Jesus) came into this world to save sinners, so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. Wishing all my dear readers a blessed Christmas. New year will bring along a few posts. Yes, resuming the blog! :)

Notice of Closure!

Hello dear readers!


I hope you have a nice time reading my articles and poems. I hope they interest you and helps you in some manner. Due to few reasons, I'm being pushed into the decision of closing this blog. I won't be deleting it, just that i won't be active anymore. I thank you for being a part of this My World series.

I'm not gonna end it completely, as my life is meant to be shared, but I need a pause for now.This is going to be winter in this World, but seasons change.

Special mentions to visitors from Kingston upon Thames, England and Varodara, Gujrat, I find you are regular visitors. Everyone else, if you wish to keep updated with my further ventures, you can drop me an email at abhijeetkhan@gmail.com.

I hope to keep you entertained in the future too. Remember me till then! have a nice time! :)

Emotional Fools

My oldest and best poem ever. Inspiring people since 5 years. Thanks to Harsh Soni for saving it! 

This is a treasure!

We are those,for whom there is none;

we are those for whom there is the only One;

We are those,still crying in our hearts;

YES,We are those 'Emotional fools'

No reason to cry,no reason to sigh,

no reason to die,no reason to lie,

no reason yet to be...

One of those 'Emotional Fools'

In our dark days when we want to die,

We ourselves lie for not to die;

in our dark days when we want to live our lives to the fullest,

we experience the moments dullest;

Yes,we are those Emotional fools!!

Still trying to cry I don't know why?

Still trying to live and not to die!!

Still trying to cross the island of pain to reach,

the sea of mirth, Again;

Still trying not to be....

...one of those 'EMOTIONAL FOOLS'

Reason

I’ve been waiting to write this since long. I never could have time or words to write about the following. But the most important factor was I never had a reason to write it. Today I have one. The reason is: closure of this blog. Yes this blog will be closed following this post but I will give a last treat to my dear readers with the best poem I ever wrote.

Here it goes: (Some part was written earlier, a little now.)

Life, as we call it, seems quite funny to me. Well, most of the times. What are we doing here? Sitting somewhere on a blue planet? Which is some miles away from very special star! That is nothing more than a speck of dust in this vast universe!!!? Feeling small already? (Some would surely say No!) Here’s more.. Compared to few stars in the galaxy, the Sun is nearly nonexistent! And around the nonexistent star revolves a planet named Earth, tiny compared to the Energy provider! And on that vast planet in your view, you can’t even see yourself at the magnification of the best cameras located on satellites! So here comes the question, what are you doing in this place in this unimaginably massively vast Universe? If you are a believer of some deity, god or some supreme power, you would admit there is a plan. If you are an atheist, you would have hated the previous sentence and would say, “WTF! Who cares! I’d do what I want with my @$#^% life!” (No offence) Well, there are few other kinds too.  Here I’d like to say, I’m a believer of Christ. I carry a scientific emotion too. And that doesn’t stop me to reason.

 

And that is what I’m going to share here. Reason. What are we here for?

I’ve been exploring to find out the reasons people have about their lives or reasons to do things they are doing. I’ve asked people, randomly, what they want to do, what they feel about life, about people they meet. Some are funny; some are dumb that you don’t wanna hear them talk, others inspire them. While some talk from the graves. I frankly don’t know what I’m writing now, just pouring myself, apologies if I drift away. Many of us have found the paths early in their lives. Here I talk of the paths what everyone feel is; career! No my dear friend, life is too precious to be confused with career.

I have been put to a lot of self realization in the past few years. Somebody woke me up from the slumber I was in and gave me a light. Showed me the path to true living. I have been analyzing everything about myself since then. I might not have found the ultimate reason for my life, but I’ve found few for sure. This post says it all.

My role in this world, in people’s lives has now been quite clear to me. With all my experiences, I know it now. I’m the kind of person who tends to reflect back who you are to me. Many times I try to be harsh, but then mostly I don’t want to hurt anyone. I believe, loving is the best thing you can do to someone. And that I’m good at. I believe the reason I’m placed in somebody’s life is that they is some unfinished business with them that only I can do. Some incompleteness is what I can brief it as.

I’m close to many people in my life, many consider me as their best friend, because I understand them that well, but not everyone has been that close to me, ever. Except one. That person changed me, and showed me my true self. Blessed be the one. Many people came became close, and I happened to bring in a change in their life. And I feel that when the certain part of them is completed, they slowly drift away. The person who changed me also did! This has happened so many times now that it’s become a habit to me. No exceptions to that.

Now I know what I have to do. I’m an idea, a feeling. I do not wish to exist as a person in someone’s life. The very same people are there not just because they need me, but because I need them too. I stay away from being too attached to people, don’t want to repeat the pain I had once! It’s better that way. And now I know that when everyone has to go at some point, it’s better not to be too close. People come, they stay, and then they leave. And I find a reason of my life, of me being here, in this world, is to accommodate them when they’re lonely.

Everyone needs a place where they can feel safe and be they way they want, feel like home. And that place; feeling is called as ‘Me’.

Signing off, Mr. Khan.

Deserted

Lost in the darkness of the night,

Deserted in the crowd of my thoughts,

The words fall empty, and noiseless,

Breath loses its pace in this whirlpool.

Paths change tracks and crossroads fall often,

Not a reason left to move ahead,

Nor a drop to quench this thirst,

Worn in the scorching heat of words.

Mind seeks to be brimming full, while;

The heart needs a silent flow, outward.

Words are just a way, but destinations;

They are hazy, far away, and hard to reach.

Hope loses itself each time, lost in the chaos,

These paths will always remain the same,

To rise and pass this pain is to conquer;

The self within, to win, myself back.

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